Feedback: I will come by to you and ask you for feedback, feel free to write something down. e.g. page X, Panel X, person A
Zac: We have some feedback on this cartoon so far and it is listed below, please read that as well.
Extra spell checking
MyShoping
reward
rewards
Logo File - Use our vector graphic
Characters
General Script
- The pace of the cartoon is good and nothing is needing a change in sequence of the story
- Some of the conversations are very wordy and we will be working on shortening them -
- More playful and natural
Page 1
- change the opening a little to tell that the following story is about the rewards program
Panel 3
F2 : I rewarded myself and I got them for half off!
Page 2
Panel 1
F1: Last line sounds unnatural - maybe 'Please tell me how you did that?' istead
Panel 4
F2 : browse from anywhere
F3 : Over 2,000 stores
M1 : 10 million products and all the brands
Page 3
Panel 1
Shorten e.g. guide only: I get everything from myshopping. I earn points and then redeem Vouchers from many participating merchants.
Panel 2
Shorten e.g. guide only: How do you earn points?
Panel 3
Shorten e.g. guide only:
Browse or search for anything you want. Home appliances, toys - anything, really. There are so many categories.
Panel 4
Shorten e.g. guide only:
For example, you want to buy a laptop. When you see the list, look for the red points to see how much you will earn when shopping there.
Page 4
Panel 1
This could be shorter and lighter
Panel 2
Do you see the vouchers from different merchants?
Redeem the vouchers for the points you earned.
Panel 3
This is slightly wrong and could be shortened. We don't want the vouchers compared directly to cash like it is in this panel.
e.g. You earn points from buying from participating merchants, you redeem vouchers and save/reward yourself on your purchases. Also you duplicate explaining part of the the process in the last sentence.
Page 5
Panel 3
Joining MyShopping is free! All you need is an email and password. Points are credited 24hrs after your purchases. You can also use Vouchers same day.
Typo: my shopping
Page 6
Panel 1
F3 : Change to $50 off
Typo: rewrad
Panel 3
MyShopping (currently my shopping)
